So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
