the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
