I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
