I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
