I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
