I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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