Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
