Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
