she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
