We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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