I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
