Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
