youre lurking in front of me
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
