just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
