i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
