Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
