Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
