I think my vagina is haunted
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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