so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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