I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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