I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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