Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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