On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
