Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your penis caused this!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
