Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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