Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
