he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
