Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
