Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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