I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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