he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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