ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
