look no pants
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
