One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize