i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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