I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize