Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
