I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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