I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
cat food counts as protein by the way
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
