It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
