3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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