And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
