i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I intend to get homeless drunk
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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