I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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