she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize