What did we do last night that was yellow?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
not ubering you a puppy
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
