I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
