I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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