And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
