My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
