I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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