she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
