I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
