True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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