And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
