DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
