I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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