I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
