He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
In America we eat man semen.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
