I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
