i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
