Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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