You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
