got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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