I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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