why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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