She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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