My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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