Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
