she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
