either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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