Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
