Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
