so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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