When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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