you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
