Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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