I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
