I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
