dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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