I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
