I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
