i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
