Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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