So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
