I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
