Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
