he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
