I accidentally had phone sex last night
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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