Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
