You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
