The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
