Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
