And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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