Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
