Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
