So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
