i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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