Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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