In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
